Thursday evening’s 22nd annual awards banquet presented by the X-Rated Critics Organization (XRCO) saw the Digital Playground/Adam & Eve co-production Pirates reign triumphant once again, as the title was crowned with the prestigious trifecta of Best Release, Best Epic and Best Director honors.

In keeping with the tradition of years past, the show, held at the Century Club, was rowdy and cacophonous, with hardly a word uttered on stage penetrating the din of audience chatter. But then, what else could one expect when such distractions are occurring in every corner of the room as Sierra Sinn dousing Lukeford.com writer Scott Fayner with alcohol, and Jenna Haze making out with new girl Lela Star?

Regardless, presenters made their jokes — a particularly fun running bit, for those who managed to pick up on it, involved Stormy Daniels cat-clawing with Lauren Phoenix by spitting such jabs at her as, “Shouldn’t you be out gaping somewhere?” — and winners made their acceptance speeches.

Perhaps the best of the latter came from New Starlet victor Hillary Scott, who shouted, “I’d like to thank my asshole, because you’re my best friend, and you’re so entertaining!” Coming off the stage, Scott told AVN she felt “all warm and fuzzy, and I’m gonna go fuck my wife right now; I’m gonna eat her pussy in celebration of my winnings.”

Speaking of eating pussy, Belladonna, upon picking up the Best Girl/Girl Movie plaque for her Belladonna’s Fucking Girls (Belladonna/Evil Angel), remarked, “My quote is, thank you. Thank you so much. I work my fuckin’ ass off, and I’m glad that my movies are getting better, and they’re deserving it. So, thank you.”

Everybody present seemed to have the same jovial spirit about the proceedings. “Heart-On Girls” (named so because of the heart shape of the award plaques they’re in charge of handing out) Heidi Joy Pike and Brea Bennett were pleased to receive trophies of their own for the first time.

“It’s a magical night,” gushed Hannah Harper with a grin. Ron Jeremy, who presented the climactic (rim shot, please) three awards of the evening, said he had a good time, though he complained that, “I think I should have won the Media crossover award — 11 films and four TV shows, all at Blockbuster, all on network, you know?” Asked if there were any surprises for him other than that, he replied, “Well, people will be surprised when they see how I did on The Surreal Life, coming out in September on VH1.”

Teagan Presley, who’s been re-inserting herself into the spotlight since bouncing back from the birth of her daughter, commented, “All the girls on stage were pretty funny.” As to being part of the continually-award-lavished Pirates, she said, “It’s an incredible sensation. I mean, you go into any video store, and you know that they’ve sold out of the movie.”

Another girl presently re-establishing her presence in the industry, Vivid’s Cassidey, informed us that this was her first XRCO Awards, and that she was having a blast. “I fuckin’ love it,” she exclaimed. “I’m seeing people I haven’t seen in, like, six years, and it’s crazy, but it’s fun. It’s pretty cool. This is way better than the AVN’s, just because it’s more intimate. I mean, the AVN Awards, I don’t think you really see bitches throwing punches and shit like that.”

XRCO co-founder William Margold, who presented the Hall of Fame awards, echoed Cassidey’s thoughts somewhat, saying, “This is the show that, when [Jim] Holliday and I conceived it, we put it together because we love the performers. This is for the performers, by the performers. Let AVN be the commercial awards; I don’t think AVN cares much about the sexuality as they do about the economics of the X-rated industry, which is alright, because they are the bible for a godless business.

“The XRCO represents a unique cross section of critics, some of whom are on AVN. I think the people with AVN shouldn’t vote for the XRCO Awards; that would make the AVN Awards more exclusive, and the XRCO Awards more exclusive. I don’t think the crossover should really continue, because then it makes it a little more special when you win the award. That way, other people will win awards, maybe. Or maybe not. But I’m only here for one reason, that’s the history.”

And the history, of the XRCO, anyway, is as follows: Founded in 1984 by Margold and Holliday, it was designed to give professional working critics a voice in selecting the yearly best in X-rated movies. It was chaired by Jared Rutter until 2004, when he accepted his current position of senior editor at AVN, though he is still considered the “Honorary Chairman.” His duties at the XRCO were assumed by long-time members “Dirty Bob” Krotts and Dick Freeman. -AVN

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